My Conversation with the Great Warrior Captain James Tiberius Kirk (San Francisco Starfleet Reunion)
The day started late as my body guard, and I had to go to Kryolan to get medical adhesive to tuck back my Klingdong. If I don’t restrain it with adhesive it leaves an unsightly bulge in my sequin gown or breaks free and dangles below my Starfleet Tunic and frightens the children. I was attending the Starfleet Reunion to meet the great man, not be arrested for accidentally slapping children in the face with my prodigious appendage.
We arrived at the splendor of The Burlingame Hyatt to discover there was no legal parking within 60 light years. So we illegally parked across the street in the parking lot of an abandoned movie theater.
We walked into the hotel to see an array of Starfleet Officers assembled to pay homage to their hero Captain James T. Kirk mixed in with a large assortment of confused civilians who seemed nervous by the large show of military might.
I saw Commander Riker and Dr. Beverly Crusher and wanted autographed photos to display in my toilet room. Upon seeing me Commander Riker greeted me with a booming, “GREAT LOOOK!!!” and seemed genuinely amused by my presence. Dr. Beverly Crusher was pleased at my selection of a glamor photo as it was the only time she was ever allowed to wear glamor makeup while on duty on a dangerous mission. I believe that she sensed the aura of my Klingdong because she managed to spit a wad the size of a dime on the photo while signing it. She is a very hydrated woman. Or my presence makes her drool.
We went into the Hall to watch the Frengi rap then explain a dance they were supposed to improvise while on duty. It was WAY more entertaining than we expected.
After a while we decided that we should get in line to see the great man. We assembled outside the hall and had the misfortune to have to stand in line in front of a deeply religious couple who were offended by an exotic dancer who gave us free tickets to the Penthouse strip club. They seriously would not shut the fuck up but I felt that since I was off duty their lives would be spared. After all, I was wearing a nice dress and did not have the time to wake up after a black out in a pool of blood and body parts to redo my makeup and hair. Besides it is certain that my Klingdong would have worked it’s way free during the massive beat down. I had only sparingly glued it down while sitting in the bucket seat of the car. I was afraid to use too much glue and get it on the apholstry. Usually I glue it down in a well-lit tile room while squatting over a large mirror. It is the only way to be sure.
There were hundreds of excited devotees in line to see the great warrior. We wondered how long it would take to reach the room where Captain Kirk was holding court. Actually much faster than you could imagine. In a feat of military precision the line moved quickly and I soon found myself standing in the room with the great man. As I approached, our eyes met. I felt the steely gaze of a true warrior assessing me. His face betrayed a mix of amusement, admiration, and confusion. And then he said, “Hi.” I walked up to him and threw my arms up in my favorite presentation pose, at which point a photographer immortalized the moment when two great warriors meet. Witnesses applauded our meeting. Our conversation over, I exited the room. A true warrior uses few words.
To see more photos and an interview on the Starfleet reunion go here!